Driving Miss Puff
by SpoonfulofPoon
Summary: This story diverges a bit from relationships and character personalities that were set up in the show. Here, Squidward is going through depression as the holidays are approaching. He has nobody to spend time with so he decides to take his own vacation. However, he needs to first get his boating license. Unbeknownst to Squidward, he'll also be falling in love.
1. Volume 1

**Author:** Thank you for taking the time to view and read this. If you are able to read through this whole thing, please leave a review. Hope you enjoy it!

 **Edit made 2/1/2019**

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Squidward awoke from his deep slumber to the sounds of Spongebob screaming " I AM RED-EY," over and over again. He groans to himself, angered that he can no longer find solace in sleep and must start a new day. Squidward rose from his bed and approached his window, ready to yell. _Spongebob you Knuckle Head McSpazz-a-tron! Knock it off!_ He thought. But as he looked down towards Spongebob's front door, he saw Sandy Cheeks talking with SB. The two of them had recently started dating. While Squidward thought that SB and Sandy were just going through a quick fling, looking down at them from his window he could see the spark of love that was real. Squidward's face went from one of anger to melancholy. He looked to the ground sadly, but smiled after a moment. _At least the kid found someone to spend his time with_ , he thought to himself. For the rest of the morning, Squidward wistfully got ready for work.

Work for Squidward was the same as usual. Dealing with Spongebob's antics and Mr. Krabs' greedy nature became too difficult to give energy to day after day. Since winter began, Squidward came to the realization that the things that angered him were the only things that kept him going through the day. The things that annoyed him helped him to enjoy that which he loved. But with that hate gone, everything became dull. Maybe it's an early midlife crisis, he pondered. Since Santa personally thanked Squidward for spreading Christmas joy the very first Christmas Bikini Bottom ever had, Squidward was very pleasant during the holidays. This year, however, Squidward didn't feel the joy he's had in the past. In fact, Squidward felt lonely whenever he thought about it. Spongebob and Sandy were going out of town as it was their first Christmas together as a couple. Patrick and Mr. Krabs were spending the holidays with family. Even Plankton and Karen were hosting all 6,000 of Plankton's cousins. Squidward was going to be alone this time for the holidays. He thought a good christmas party would get him out of his slump, but unfortunately it wouldn't happen this year.

As Squidward was thinking of this, a customer came up to the register. Squidward could tell it wasn't the usual customer as he was dressed in a fancy suit, with pamphlets and briefcase in hand. _Here we go again_ , Squidward thought as he got ready to greet the businessman. "Welcome to the Krusty Krab, what do you want," Squidward sneered. "Well young laddy, get me one of those krabby patties with extra krabby HAHAHA" the businessman said. "Ha. Sir, is that it," Squidward retorted flatly. "That'll be all… Well not really sonny. See, I'm part of a pyramid sche- I mean a legitimate business, and I have to meet my quota with two more people at least. All you gotta do is give me some money to go on a great trip to a ski lodge just up the ways. You can take a nice 3 hour drive up there and mingle with all the other vacationers for the holidays,It'll be fun. But part of this sweet deal is that you do have to attend some meetings to invest in the company, but I promise, this company is going to go places! So, what do ya say kid?"

Squidward could see through this scam the minute the business man opened his mouth. But looking through the pamphlet he could see that the prices were pretty fair. Upon further inspection, he could see that the company owner also owns the ski lodge so that's probably why the prices are so low. Also, you do have to indulge into their pyramid scheme a little, but hey, a nice vacation makes it seem worthwhile. The payment includes lodging, 3 meals a day for 1 week during Christmas, and access to all that the ski lodge has available. Squidward had no other plans for the holiday season, so he agreed and paid the low amount. "Thanks buck-o! This'll be the greatest decision you ever made! Lemme just get some of your information… Ah, do you have a license I can see?" asked the businessman. Squidward handed his driver's license to the businessman. "Thank you kiddo. Lets see here…. Oh gee kiddo it seems like your license is expired. It expired two weeks ago." Squidward swiped back his license and verified this information for himself. "Wow, I didn't even notice it had expired. Will this be a problem for the trip?" asked Squidward. The businessman shook his head, "Not at all sonny, your spot can still be secured, you just need to put down a down payment of 60 percent NO REFUNDS!" Thinking that this wasn't a big problem, Squidward paid the man his money, received his business card and receipt, and delivered his Krabby Patty.

After the businessman left the restaurant, Squidward looked over the window behind him and glanced towards Spongebob, who was happily flipping patties. "Hey Spongeboob, you go to boating school, right?" Squidward inquired. "Sure do!" exclaimed Spongebob, "What do you need?" Squidward explained his situation to SB and SB nodded his head in understanding. "Well you're in luck friend! Mrs. Puff is keeping her boating school open up until the week before Christmas! That should be enough time to get your license and head up to that lodge!" Spongebob explained. Squidward thanked SB for the information and continued with his work for the day.

After getting home, Squidward sat in front of his fireplace, swirling scotch around in his glass. The liquor was all he could feel lately. Even his clarinet couldn't bring him joy. Instead, he thought back to the memories he had of his overreacting to SB's shenanigans. He missed those days of caring. He took a swig of scotch, and let the burn creep down his throat. He sighed, realizing his drink ran low. He groaned as he got up to get his refill. Unfortunately, he was out of Scotch and had nothing else. _Well, I'll leave today's problems for tomorrow's me_ , he thought to himself. Squidward went to bed, and remembered he had to work towards getting his driver license. He groaned at the thought but believed it'd be good to switch things up a little. _Maybe this roadblock is just what I needed_.


	2. Volume 2

**Author:** If you liked this story but think I can improve in any area, please leave a review and let me know! Thank you!

 **Edit made 2/9/2019 in regards to a reviewer saying that Squidward doesn't wear pants or underwear and, therefore, shouldn't be able to feel his boxers strain. I changed it to make a bit more sense with what the character usually wears. Note: there may be more instances of phrases like this.**

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Squidward woke up feeling a bit groggy. Still, the morning was off to a good start as Spongebob was not yelling at the top of his lungs. After completing his morning routine, Squidward called Mr. Krabs letting him know he won't be coming into work.

Squidward was fired.

 _When I feel like it, I'll set Krabs straight and make him give me my job back,_ Squidward thought. Squidward hopped on his bike and put on his helmet because safety is important and he doesn't care that it makes him look like a complete poser.

 **(AUTHORS NOTE: PLEASE BE SAFE WHILE BIKING AND WEAR PROTECTIVE GEAR)**

While biking towards the boating school, Squidward was trying to remember the times when he talked to Mrs. Puff. Frankly, they were kind of a blur as they were very brief. Squidward put it into his mind that it'd be good to properly re-introduce himself to Mrs. Puff and make a good, lasting impression. At that moment, his heart began to race a little. Why would he want to make a lasting impression on her? When he thought on it, all he could imagine were her splendid curves and the way her hair curls. I mean what a bodacious babe. Squidward shook his head to snap out of this trance he was in. How could he think such things about someone he barely knows? He did his best to keep his mind off her for the rest of the ride, but he couldn't ignore his raging boner.

Squidward parked his bike at the front of the school and walked through the entrance. When he entered, Squidward heard a large slam on a desk and looked into the classroom to see a startled Mrs. Puff. It seemed that she was taking a little siesta since the room was empty. Mrs. Puff acknowledged Squidward, embarrassed by the state he had found her in. . "W-why hello there uh…. Oh! Mr. Tentacles, it's quite the pleasure to see you again. How may I help you?" said Mrs. Puff blushing. Squidward noticed her chest moving rapidly, drawing his gaze to her bosom. Squidward could feel his own heart pounding, but subtly knocked himself out of it and began to greet her back. "Why hello, Mrs. Puff. My driver license expired so I need to get a new one. I wanted to swing by and hopefully get started on that," Squidward said, trying to sound as normal as possible. "Oh, well of course I can help you with that, Mr. Tentacles. As you can see, I don't have any students at the moment. This happens every year because everybody usually gets their license a month or so before Christmas. Luckily for you I can devote every single second to you. So, please, take a seat." Mrs. Puff said as she guided him towards a desk. Right when Squidward took a seat, he could see something fall from under her red skirt. Both of them stared at the wet, pink vibrator in silence as it pulsed across the floor.

 _So this is why she was so startled to see me._ Without saying a word, Squidward grabbed the slimy vibrator and placed it in Mrs. Puff's hands. She wiped it off and hid it in her desk. "I-I promise I'm not usually like this… It's just been a hard few weeks since my sidepiece and I broke up," Mrs. Puff said, her turquoise fins glistening. "You need not explain anything to me, my dear," said Squidward, "I won't tell a soul. Do you mind if we get started?" Nervously wiping away her sweat, Mrs. Puff began the lesson.

Squidward could see that Mrs. Puff was struggling during the lesson. _But why wouldn't she be?_ He thought it best that he interrupt just so they could both feel more at ease. "You know, Mrs. Puff, doing something like that isn't really taboo. Everyone does it. You don't need to worry about me telling anybody, we can keep this secret between the two of us," Squidward said. "I-I know, Mr. Tentacles, it's just that-" Squidward cut her off. "Please, Mrs. Puff, call me Squidward," he said, reassuringly. "W-Well, Squidward… I just feel so embarrassed since you work with one of my long term students. Also… I've never had anybody walk in on me while I… masturbate." Mrs. Puff was struggling to get the words out of her mouth and looking like she was about to burst. Squidward knew there was only one thing he could do.

At that moment, Squidward got up and whipped out his limp dick. Mrs. Puff gasped but it almost felt like it was out of excitement rather than shock. "Squidward? What are you doing?" She asked. "Well, since I saw you masturbating, you get to see me," he explained. Seeing her excitement after the words left his mouth got him harder than the rock he and Spongebob rode to deliver a pizza.

Squidward took a seat to tangle his tentacle. Admittedly, he was quite embarrassed. But seeing Mrs. Puff's curves and excited breathing helped him get over it. As his cock started to stiffen, Mrs. Puff reached back into her desk, pulled out her vibrator, and stuck it into herself. Squidward never felt so turned on as he was in that moment. Seeing the luxurious Mrs. Puff pleasure herself was enough to make him burst. Six minutes after she began to masturbate alongside him, they both came close to climaxing. Then, as quickly as this moment had started, it came to an end. Squidward had never met a woman who squirted before, but now he was covered in her juices. Mrs. Puff was drenched with Squidward's warm, thick cummies.

After a moment of trying to catch their breath, they began to wipe each other down with towels that Mrs. Puff had in the back of the class. Squidward has had sex before, he's even made love. But nothing compared to this tender moment between he and the curvaceous angel. To him, it was the closest to heaven he'd ever been. However, Squidward knew what this was: a one time thing; a mistake. He's been through this before. He began to quickly gather his things to leave but Mrs. Puff stopped him. "You're just going to leave me like that?" she asked. Squidward was baffled. Usually something this hot and spicy never happens twice. "W-Well I thought you were going to ignore me after this…" Squidward said shyly. "After an exchange like that, why would I let you leave so soon?" When she said that, she pulled a card out of her desk and handed it to Squidward. "That has all my contact information. If you're willing, call me. I'd love to spend some time together. Also, you still have to work to get your driver license." Squidward said he'd call and left.

His bike ride back home felt long yet serene. The sun felt nice on Squidward's skin along with the breeze. Even though Squidward didn't really have sex with Mrs. Puff, or even kiss her, this was the best he felt in a long time. When he got home, he made sure to leave her card on his nightstand as not to misplace it. _I hope I can at least get the succ._


	3. Volume 3

**Authors Note:** Please leave a review to let me know what you think! Thanks for reading!

 **-Edit:** Replaced "Poseidon" with "Neptune" to stay true to Spongebob canon.

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Squidward jolted awake, covered in sweat and shaking. Another bad dream of the hash ringing… the dash dinging… the trash bringing… the **HASH SLINGING SLASHER.** He grabbed a towel to dry himself, then headed towards the kitchen. After grabbing a glass of water, Squidward sat silent in the darkness of his living room. The events of yesterday were like a typhoon in his mind and his feelings gave rise to new hopes and doubts. _I haven't had a great moment like that in a long time… but is it the right thing to do? Should I seriously pursue this? Should I distance myself?_ Squidward contemplated the situation until the sun rose. Squidward's doubts told him to not go after Mrs. Puff, but he still needed his license. So, he decided he'll tread the waters lightly. He'd go into class later that day for the lesson and nothing else.

After completing his morning routine and getting breakfast, Squidward hopped on his bike and headed to the boating school. Thoughts flooded his head as to what he would say when he entered. _Maybe I should say something like "Hey Mrs. Puff, sorry for busting a nut all over you. All good?"..._ But maybe not. Before he knew it, he was already at the boating school. _Well, I'm sure I can think of something on the fly_. Squidward braced himself before entering the classroom, dreading the impending awkwardness. Upon entering the classroom, he noticed Mrs. Puff was the only one inside again. She quickly glanced up with a warm smile, and said "Hello, Squidward. Please take a seat and we can get the lesson started." _Well that was easy._ Without saying a word he sat down and got ready for the lesson. It was gnawing at Squidward that she didn't even say anything about their situation. _What is with this woman? Maybe she totally regrets it, but I'd rather her tell me that then to leave me guessing like this!_ "Excuse me, Squidward, are you okay?" Mrs. Puff asked. Squidward snapped out of stupor and responded "U-uh yeah I'm fine…" Mrs. Puff awkwardly continued with the lesson and Squidward tried his best to stay focused. It was hard for him though, as he kept looking at her bulbous butt and thinking of how he'd like to puff Mrs. Puff with his semen.

The lesson had ended and Squidward scrambled to gather his things. As he stood up out of his seat, Mrs. Puff pushed him back down and asked "Where do you think you're going?" Squidward began to tremble and sweat profusely. "I-I was just about to leave. D-Did you need something?" Mrs. Puff traced her fins gently all the way down to his crotch and caressed it almost as if it was a treasure not to be mishandled. "Well, I just thought we could… extend not only this lesson, but your… massive member as well."

Squidward felt as if he was about to burst. "A-Are you okay with this? I didn't think you'd want to- AH!" Mrs. Puff firmly grasped Squidward's throbbing cock, "That's for not making the first move," she said. She let her grip go, allowing Squidward to breathe a sigh of relief. _What is this crazy WHORE doing to me?! …. But I actually kind of liked it…_ Squidward was giving off a slight smirk, veining up. "Ohhh you're kind of a kinky squid aren't you?" Mrs. Puff said, getting down to her knees and caressing Squidward's penis. It'd been a while since it was touched liked this… well, at least by a woman.

Eight minutes had passed and Squidward felt the pressure building, calming himself before climax. _No I can't_. The handjob felt so good that he closed his eyes, doing his best to relax. "Hey, why aren't you paying any attention to me?" Mrs. Puff pouted. Squidward jolted his head up, "N-No, it's not like that! You're just doing such a good job it's hard trying to contain this nut!" he exclaimed. "Well that doesn't mean you have to close your eyes and take a nap." she said in her most sultry voice. "Guess I have switch things up now, huh?" and without missing a beat, Mrs. Puff's mouth began to engulf Squidwards 11.7 inch cock. _Ho...ly...shit._

Squidward had never been deep throated in his life, his massive cock was just too much to handle for most women. However, Mrs. Puff made it look easier than Spongebob making a krabby patty. Squidward moaned at the sensation and squeezed his eyes shut. All he could hear was a grapefruit like noise and all he could feel was the tight insides of Mrs. Puff's throat. _Dear Neptune, this is epic_ , he thought. The sinful vixen was going to town on his penis but was not coming up to breathe at all. Squidward began to worry. _I hope she doesn't suffocate on my 11.7 inch wee wee…_ After another minute or so of slurping on his cock, Mrs. Puff rose up to take a breather. Within seconds she was back to giving him the sloppy toppy. _This woman is relentless! It's like she's trying to make me bust all my eggnog up in her noggin!_

After a while, it was hard for Squidward to contain his orgasm. He could feel her slobber flowing from her throat and down his cock to his balls and then drip to the wooden floor. He loved the way she twirled her tongue around the head of his dick and she knew it. As Squidward was nearing orgasm, she started giving him the ol' "two hand twist with the head succ" and he nearly fainted. The way she worked her hands was award winning. Then, to finish it all off, she licked all around the base of his head and gave Squidward no choice but to ejaculate into the back of her throat. Squidward thought that was the end of the blowjob… but boy, was he wrong.

She. Kept. On. Sucking. _HOLY SHIT! SHE'S STILL SUCCING ME OFF!_

The way she continued to succ him off was ungodly. She was like a predator devouring its prey, making sure to get every last bit of meat and semen. She made sure to succ him clean and dry. "My my Squidward, you had so much built up. I take it that means you had a good time?" she said, breathing as if she just ran a marathon. Squidward could see a wild look in her eyes, almost as if she was dick crazed. "Mrs. Puff, that was absolutely the best blowjob I have ever received. I can't believe you were able to take all of it in…" Squidward gasped, trying to catch his breath. Mrs. Puff went to grab a towel to wipe herself off. She handed Squidward one as well, to clean up the floor that was covered in dick slobber.

Squidward didn't know what to say. Now he knew he wanted this to be more than a booty call. As he was packing his things, Mrs. Puff approached him. "Um, Squidward," she said shyly. "I was wondering… maybe… you'd like to-" Squidward interrupted her, dashing her coyness. "Mrs. Puff, if you would give me the honor, please let me take you to dinner tomorrow." he proposed. Mrs. Puff gave off a huge smile and said, "Yes, that'd be lovely." Squidward was ecstatic. "That's great! I-I mean, ahem, that's quite good to hear. I'll call you later with the details." With that, Squidward departed from the boating school as giddy as someone who just got their balls drained.

When Squidward got home, he immediately called one of the fanciest restaurants in Bikini Bottom and got a reservation. Luckily, he knew the owner who was a big fan of Squidward's conducting at the Bubble Bowl. Squidward called up Mrs. Puff and told her of their reservations the next day at 7 p.m. Squidward decided to keep the restaurant name a secret, knowing she would like the surprise. Having too much excitement in him, Squidward cleaned his entire house and even got his suit dry cleaned. When he started getting ready for bed, Squidward could still feel the butterflies in his stomach and knew he was in trouble. _This woman is really gonna make me fall in love with her huh._


	4. Volume 4

**Authors Note:** Sorry for taking so long to update the story. School got the best of me and I got lazy with this. For those who like the series (all 3 of you, including myself) get ready for some regularly updated content!

 **-Plans for the series:** Along with tweaking some of the facts about the Spongebob series and taking some creative liberties, I was also planning on having types of "crossovers" from other shows. Characters from these shows might not be present, just the ideas/premises. However, whenever there is a sort of "crossover" (if ever) I'll be sure to let you all know.

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Squidward rose up from his sheets, feeling like a new squid. Nobody was going to ruin today for him. After completing his morning routine, Squidward decided to get in some practice with his clarinet. He opened the window in his bedroom and played that first, disgusting note of the day. Of course, to Squidward it felt like he was playing something as beautiful as Fukashigi no Carte (from Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai). _I feel unstoppable and these melodies are impeccable!_ Squidward ended on the greatest **big, FAT,** **brown** stink note ever played, before gently resting his clarinet in its case.

Before it got too late, Squidward called Mrs. Puff just to double check she was still available for the night. The phone rang… and rang… and rang…

"Hello?"

A strange voice answered the phone. Squidward got stunned and immediately hung up. Did he call the right number? He was sure he dialed it in right. Hesitantly, he dialed the number again. "Hello, who is this?" Mrs. Puff answered. Squidward breathed a sigh of relief, "Hey, Mrs. Puff, it's Squidward. I was just making sure that you'll be ready for me to pick you up at 6:30." Mrs. Puff coyly chuckled, "My, you're certainly excited aren't you? I'll have you know I'm getting ready right now and even have my hairdresser over." _Oh, so that's probably who answered earlier._ "Well that's good to hear! I'll be sure not to be late," said Squidward. "Toodle-loo," she said, ending the call * _CLICK_ *.

Squidward felt weird about the call. It was almost as if they were both rushing to get off the phone. _Oh well, I'll put it aside for now_. For the rest of the afternoon, Squidward was preoccupied with getting ready for his dinner date. In his tuxedo, he looked like the sexiest squid alive. Tonight, not a single thing nor person could bring our dear Squidward down from his throne. Tonight, he was CONFIDENT.

The clock strikes 6. Squidward's limo arrives, another favor being cashed in due to the aforementioned events that took place many Christmases ago. The limo departs for Mrs. Puffs house. During the ride, Squidward begins to think of ways to woo Mrs. Puff. _My, my, Mrs. Puff. You look especially bloated today….. Wait… bloated? Yeah, she's a puffer fish but do women really want to hear that? Aw geez Squiddy, you a busta…._

The limo pulls up at 6:28; good timing. Squidward walks up to the door and rings the doorbell. The door opens to reveal…. A stranger? _ **NANI**_ ** _?!_** It seems to be another women… another puffer fish. She seems closer to Squidward's age. This woman exudes an energetic aura and seems more youthful than Mrs. Puff. She also appears to have a curvier body yet hides it behind bulkier clothing. Squidward only noticed because the light breeze pressed this mystery girl's clothing against her body. "Um, do you need something," asks the mystery girl. _Aw geez, how long was I staring at her?_ "Uh, yes. I'm here to pick up Mrs. Puff. Is she ready?" The girl glances up and down and her face lights up as if a light bulb went on in her head "Oh right! You must be Squidward. It's nice to meet you, my name is Jessica. I'm Mrs. Puff's cousin. Please, come in," she gestures for Squidward to enter. Squidward enters the room and notices the lingering scent of oven baked cookies. Jessica offers one to Squidward and he awkwardly munches on it as he waits for Mrs. Puff. Out of the corner of his eye Squidward can tell that Jessica is staring at him, observing and judging everything about him. It makes him feel uneasy, so he decides to make some small talk. "So, I didn't really know Mrs. Puff had family living with her. What brings you here?" he asked. Jessica sighs, "I got laid off from my job so now I'm living with Poppy to save on money." _Whomst the fuck is Poppy_ , Squidward thought. "Ah yes, good ol' Poppy… they're amazing," Squidward said, lying through his teeth. "Poppy did say you were a bit of a silver tongued devil," she said laughing. It then dawns on Squidward that Mrs. Puff's first name is Poppy. Wow, he's busted a nut on this woman several times and didn't even know her first name.

The two hear footsteps coming down the stairs and make their way over. Squidward couldn't believe he was laying his eyes on such a divine sea goddess. Mrs. Puff was clothed in a black formal dress that hugged her body perfectly. Her hair had great volume, she must have used a good hairspray. A gold necklace with rubies and red heels to match her red lipstick. She was absolutely stunning. She reached the end of the stairs and Squidward was speechless. Jessica laughed, "that's a good response." Mrs. Puff blushed, "Oh come on you two, I don't look that good in this old thing." Squidward knew this was bull shit. "Mrs. Puff, shut the FUCK up. You look fine as hell." Squidward and Mrs. Puff smiled at one another. He offered his arm and guided her to the limo. After entering, Mrs. Puff asked him where they would be dining. A grin appeared on Squidward's face, "Baby, we're going to 'Fancy!'"

Even though they were under the sea, Squidward could feel the wave of liquid that was gushing from Mrs. Puff's vag.


	5. Volume 5

After Mrs. Puff gushed from learning that Squidward made reservations at the critically acclaimed five starfish restaurant "Fancy!" she soon passed out. Squidward was… surprised. _She really orgasmed and passed out after I told her where we're going to eat?_ He was in disbelief. Being the gentleman he is, Squidward adjusted her so she'd awake in a comfortable position and wouldn't hurt her neck. Luckily, the limo had enough space to lay her down. Essentially alone, Squidward was left with his thoughts. He thought back to Jessica and wondered about her. Was she the one who picked up the phone? Was she the hairdresser? He was unsure. He made a note to inquire about her later when the timing was right. _I hope I don't come off as some creep who's trying to get with one of her family members._

Mrs. Puff awoke right before the limo reached the restaurant. "O-Oh my… where are we?" she asked. Squidward reassured her she was safe and told her of the events that transpired. "Oh dear, that really was unbecoming of a lady such as myself…. I'll be sure to make up for it later." she said as she caressed his thigh and gave him a peck on the lips. After the limo stopped in front of the restaurant, Squidward made sure to follow all etiquette for this date since it meant so much to him. Arm in arm, they walked to the front doors where the manager and owner were there to greet them.

"Ah, Meester Tentacles, what a pleasure to see zee savior of zat one Christmas many seasons ago. Ah, and zis must be zee lovely Mrs. Puff." the owner said, as he kissed Mrs. Puffs left fin. "Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, sir." said Mrs. Puff. "Zee pleasure is mine, ma dame. You look even lovelier than what Meester Tentacles described you as over zee phone." Mrs. Puff blushed. As did Squidward. "Now, if zee two of you will follow moi, I can show you to your seats." and with a smooth motion, the owner guided them to the best seats in the house. Their table was located on the highest level and was practically isolated. The two would be able to have some much needed alone time. Squidward got the chair for Mrs. Puff and then sat himself down. Without missing a beat, the waiters had brought some of the best wine they had.

"Now, if you need ANYTHING, please let us know, mes amies. The start of the three course meal will be brought to you shortly." and with that, the owner departed. "Oh, so this restaurant is one of those that you don't order anything? They already have a set meal plan?" asked Mrs. Puff. "Oh, uh, yes. It's super fancy. And you don't need to worry about what they bring. Anything they make will be tremendously superb." Squidward said reassuringly.

Even though the two were alone and could truly be themselves, it was obvious there was some tension and nervousness. Really, the two didn't even know each other. "So, um, I wasn't aware that you had other family members around." Squidward said, trying to break the ice. "Oh, yes that's Jessica, She's my younger cousin and we've always done many things together." Mrs. Puff laughs "Ohoho, I remember one time Jessica really wanted this dress so badly but it was extremely expensive. And this other fish bitch, Alexis, who was this rich mouthbreather was getting ready to buy it herself. So what we -hehehe- what we did was rob the bank and-"

Squidward was baffled. _NANI THE FUCK DID SHE JUST SAY?!_ Mrs. Puff realized she said something she shouldn't have, so she tried her best to fix it. "Did I say 'rob a bank?' What I really meant to say was, uh, we… rubbed a vase…! Yeah, it had a genie in it and everything. Whew, what crazy days…" she said, profusely sweating. However, Squidward bought it. "Yeah, I remember one episode- I mean, day- a genie shrunk me because I was trying to steal his magic bottle. He didn't like that." Squidward said, sighing. There was a moment of silence and once their eyes met, they began to laugh together. It seems like Mrs. Puff and Squidward did have some things in common; they were just two people who wanted normalcy yet were always surrounded by insanity.

As their laughter began to stop, the first course arrived. This was an appetizer that consisted of mushrooms stuffed with pecorino romano, garlic, and bread crumbs. "Oh, Squiddy, would you mind feeding me?" Mrs. Puff asked, batting her eyes. With a look like that, how could Squidward say no? He grabbed one of the mushrooms with his suckies and guided it to her mouth. Mrs. Puff had her eyes closed, but as Squidward's tentacle was merely a few centimeters away from her mouth, she opened one of her eyes, grabbed his tentacle and shoved both his tentacle and mushroom into her mouth. She licked all along the suckers with her tongue, and Squidward was ready to ink. She took his tentacle out of her mouth and seducingly said "Mmmm… delicious."

To calm his nerves, Squidward gulps down a glass of wine. _Alright, hopefully that can take the edge off._ But it seems like he spoke too soon. He looked across the table to see Mrs. Puff sexually sucking on one of the mushrooms. _Oh sweet Neptune I wish I was that mushroom right now. I'd mush in her room ya know what I mean._ And then Squidward cringed because he realized he said that joke to himself and giggled about it. Mrs. Puff realized she was making Squidward tense and laughed. "Hahaha, I'm just messing with you my dear. But you should try these mushrooms, they are delicious." she said, winking at him. Squidward popped a couple in his mouth and oh my goodness, they practically melted in his mouth. The cheese really worked to bring these flavors together.

Before long, another silence befell the table. Squidward was mustering up the courage to say something until he heard a familiar, annoying, high pitched laugh. It was Spongeboob. "Ugh, what is that BUFFOON doing here?' Squidward said, annoyed by the sight and sound of Spongebob. He noticed he was with Sandy, so it made sense. Mrs. Puff sighed "And here I was, horny as can be and ready to enjoy a good night and Spongbob is here." Squidward looked at Mrs. Puff and recalled that she too had negative feelings toward the sponge. "Tell me about it, he's always bringing such ridiculous commotion into the Krusty Krab." Squidward confessed. "Tell me about it! Did you know the boating school community looks down upon me because this one student hasn't graduated in years? As if it's my fault! The kid can barely manage to lift 1 pound, you think he can steer an entire boat?!" Mrs. Puff exclaimed, looking ready to burst. Squidward laughed. "It looks like the kid gives us both more than enough trouble." Mrs. Puff reached for his tentacle, "it's great that I can sit here and vent to someone who is so willing to listen. I didn't know you had this gentle side to you Squidward. It's really reassuring that I was able to meet a Squid like you." She smiled gently at him, and Squidward could feel his heart melt.

The second course finally arrived. The two were served roasted duck with an orange-bourbon glaze. The smell it gave off could turn anybody's head. Mrs. Puff gestured for Squidward to feed her again. Squidward cut off a piece and fed it to her. It must have been so delicious because she rolled her eyes back and sank into her chair. Squidward himself took a bite and it was truly orgasmic. He believed this dish could end all wars. The two attacked the dish as if they were wild animals, which they were. After each bite they'd take a sip of wine. Once they finished the dish, they realized they had gone through 4 glasses of wine each for that course alone.

They both sat back in their chairs, relishing in the moment. Then Mrs. Puff looked seductively at Squidward. "Hey… Squidward" she said as she glided her fin across his tentacle. "What is it Poppy?" At that moment, Squidward could feel a foot gliding smoothly across his crotch. The way she motioned her foot across the tip of his penis and scrotum made him go crazy with lust. Squidward knew that to do this, she would have to have loads of experience. But what could he expect? She was an older woman. To him, that was more exciting. "Mrs. Puff, let's skip the last course. I want to rip that dress off of you right now." Mrs. Puff's chest puffed up. The two didn't need to say anymore to immediately jump out of their seats.

On their way out, the owner stopped Squidward. "Ah, monsieur! W-what about zee dessert?" he pleaded. Squidward grinned. "My good man, what do you think I'm about to go enjoy?" And with that they clumsily left the restaurant. They practically tripped over one another on their way to the limo. This was _advanced_ sex. ;)


	6. Volume 6

Squidward quickly and clumsily opened the limo door and Mrs. Puff wrenched him in. The limo driver heard the door open suddenly and then a crash, exclaiming "WHAT THE BARNACLES?!" Mrs. Puff turned to him and said "My house. STAT."

The limo driver obliged but was clearly shooketh. This didn't matter to our boy Squiddy or Mrs. Puff, however. He could feel the lust in the air. She straddled him and began sticking her tongue down his throat. Usually, Squidward hated using so much tongue with women, but when Mrs. Puff did it he felt so much pleasure. She unzipped his pants and began to stroke his cock furiously. Squidward was not one to bust so easily, but the pent up sexual tension from dinner was driving him to the edge. If he was not careful, he could be lost forever. However, Mrs. Puff stopped stroking, and it took Squidward a second to realize. "What's wro-" and before Squidward could finish Mrs. Puff used her kung fu grip to squeeze his dick tighter than Plankton holding on to Plan Z. She maintained a Death Grip on his penis making Squidward yelp in pain. Mrs. Puff locked eyes with him."Tonight. I'm going to make you my little bitch, squid." Squidward was overcome with terror as his dick began to go numb. "Haha, you look so cute when you're scared. Don't worry, my dear. I won't be hurting you… much," she winked with lustful malice. Squidward breathed a sigh of relief but perhaps it was too soon. Before he could regain himself, Mrs. Puff grabbed his scrotum and squeezed it like a stress ball. Now. Squidward was crying out to the heavens for it to stop. Mrs. Puff thrusted her mouth onto his to keep him quiet, leaving only muffled moans and cries. Mrs. Puff used her other fin to begin stroking Squiddy's 11.7 inch cock.

Squidward was now stuck in between the worlds of immense pain and pleasure. This felt like the best handjob he'd ever received but his sack was in the worst pain imaginable. To his shock, Squidward could feel that he was about to come soon. " I-I-I can't take much more! I'm about to cum!" he shouted. Mrs. Puff stopped stroking but maintained the pressure on his balls, "You'll cum when I tell you to." Unfortunately, Squidward was not that strong willed. He let loose all of his pent up sperm onto her dress. Due to the fear of his balls being lost forever, Squidward accidentally inked all over himself and Mrs. Puff. The ink and sperm began to mix in the ocean water and she was furious. Mrs. Puff punched his right testicle and Squidward screamed in pain. "WHAT DID I TELL YOU, YOU DIRTY FUCKING SQUID?! NOW I HAVE TO CONTINUE PUNISHING YOU," she said, screaming into his ear. At this point, Squidward was in fear for his life.

But then, she began to slob on his knob. Squidward was confused as to how this could be a punishment but he was too shocked to say or do anything. He thought it was best to let this blissful respite continue on.

What a fool he was.

Without warning, Mrs. Puff bit the tip of Squidward's peepis. Squidward let out a screech. Tears ran down his face and onto hers, ruining her makeup. Before he could finish wailing, she dragged her teeth all over his 11.7 inch long john silver. Squidward thought she was going to bite off his dick. She continued to succ him off with the occasional biting. Squidward got used to the feeling and slowly began to realize that he was feeling more intense pleasure. As quickly as he realized this, he spurted more semen onto her busty chest. Mrs. Puff took off her dress and tried her best to suck off all the semen and ink that was on her dress, but it was just too much. _Ew_ , _you dirty bitch,_ Squidward thought. Nevertheless, he was still immensely aroused.

After sucking most of the semen and ink off her dress, the two realized that the limo had stopped. They were at Mrs. Puff's house. The next thing they realized was that the limo driver was jacking it in the front seat.

Mrs. Puff turned to Squidward and said "Now, you're going to watch me fuck the limo driver." Squidward made eye contact with the driver through the rear view mirror, feeling his rage bubbling up. Squidward went to get out of the limo to beat the shit out of the driver with his massive member, but he passed out before he could even open the door all the way. Too much fluid loss had now rendered all his tentacles limp, a useless squid.

When Squidward awoke, the first thing he noticed was that he was tied to a chair. He squirmed and struggled to get out. Then…. he stopped.

He heard noises that made his soul exit his body. Squidward looked up to see the limo driver fucking Mrs. Puff. Squidward began to cry and whimper, soaking in his sorrow.

How could she do this to him? Has she always been like this?

Squidward was angry. Slowly but surely he could feel his fighting spirit begin to grow stronger and stronger as each hour passed. After 5 hours of cucking, Squidward knew he had enough. Then, out of nowhere, he felt a surge of power but he didn't know what he was looking for. He heard a strange noise then looked up… _Nani the fuck is that?!_

What Squidward saw was… a monster? It was in the shape of a clarinet with eyes and limbs. It was also buff as shit. Buffer than Larry even. "What the hell?!" Squidward yelled. "Hey you, uhhh Squid-tard Tennis Balls… shut the fuck up. I'm trying to fuck this fish over here and you keep crying," the limo driver said. Squidward glared at the chad limo driver with intense hate and knew what to do. "CLAIRO. COME TO ME," he yelled. The Stand came to Squidward and he blew into it. The force from the soundwaves cut the ropes loose and imbued Squidward with great strength. He looked at his raging muscles and laughed "Such power…. Is this the power of the chaos emeralds?" His Stand sighed, "No, this is your Stand power. A power you gained from having such enormous fighting spirit. Now go and fight, you cuck." Squidward let out a laugh and approached the scared Mrs. Puff and driver. Squidward grabbed the driver and threw him from the second story. He jumped down from the window and used Clairo's soundwave power to break his fall, allowing him to softly land on the ground. "Baka, baka," he said, looking down upon the limo driver.

Without another word, Squidward started beating the living crap out of this limo driver who just wanted to live out his horny dreams. Squidward crushed his balls and broke each of his limbs. "TUNATUNATUNATUNATUNATUNATUNATUNA!" After pummeling his face in, Squidward discarded the driver and reached for Clairo.

"W-W-what are you?!" the driver screamed.

"I'm the guy you shouldn't have cucked." Squiddy replied.

Squidward blew into Clairo, turning this poor limo driving fish deaf. Squidward chuckled. "Hehe, the last word he'll ever hear is 'cucked.' What a way to go." With that, Squidward went to go fuck Mrs. Puff, empowered by Clairo's force coursing through him.


	7. Volume 7

Squidward emitted the aura of a crazed sex god as he crept up the stairs to Mrs. Puff's room. Squidward thrust open the door and saw her waiting for him on her bed. "I was wondering when you were going to get fed up with me toying with him," she said lustfully. "His 3.4 inch pecker was pitiful, not nearly enough for me to get off. He came 72 times and I wasn't even close to cumming. Now come please me, Squiddy," Mrs. Puff demanded. Squidward thought back to 2 minutes ago. He remembered the pain and torment he was subjected to for hours.

Does Squidward even want to fuck Mrs. Puff? Is she deserving of all 11.7 inches of his cock?

Most likely not. But he wasn't even thinking with his squid brain anymore. Clairo's power was influencing Squidward, and that influence wanted him to fuck the titties off of Mrs. Puff. Squidward succumbed to his supernatural horniness. He approached Mrs. Puff, overflowing with desire.

"Oh, you're approaching me? Instead of running away, you're cumming right to me? Even though that limo driver wasn't enough to satisfy me, you're going to try to fuck me?" Mrs. Puff asked.

"I can't fuck the shit out of you without getting closer," Squidward said.

"Oh ho! Then cum as close as you like," Mrs. Puff said, lust going crazy in her mind.

Without hesitation, Squidward whipped out his penis with immense force and smacked Mrs. Puff across the face with it. Both were shocked to see that Squidward's 11.7 inch cock had grown to 14.8 inches! A grin grew on Squidward's face, "So this is the power of a stand… sugoi." Mrs. Puff looked in fear at Squidward's raging hard on. How could a single Squid have so much cock?! Squidward grabbed Mrs. Puff by her wig and shoved his new and improved 14.8 inch cock down her throat. Mrs. Puff was gasping for air, but this feeling of uncharted neck territory felt amazing to Squidward. He continued to throat fuck her and enjoyed his entire cock being engulfed by this bodacious puffer fish. After 33 minutes of continuous throat fucking, Squidward decided it was time to give Mrs. Puff a break so he threw her off of him. She regained her composure for a minute and then leapt back at Squidward's dong!

 _NANI?!_

Mrs. Puff was voracious, desperately slobbing on his knob. Squidward felt ecstatic. All night he was stuck in pain, but now he can enjoy true bliss. Squidward took his dick out of her mouth and began to passionately make out with Mrs. Puff. He could taste his own cock and the limo driver's, but he didn't care. As long as it was Mrs. Puff's mouth he was kissing, that's all that mattered.

"Squiddy, I want you to take me," Mrs. Puff said, looking innocently at him. Squidward, being the gentleman he is, obliged. Squidward put his face between Mrs. Puff's thighs and kissed each one, moving down her leg to her feet. Squidward not being a beta chump, suckled on her fishy flipper toes. Mrs. Puff moaned in ecstasy. "S-squidward, i-if you keep doing that, I might just-" and before she could finish, Mrs. Puff squirted onto Squidward's face. Squidward rejoiced in this shower of Mrs. Puff's juices. To him, it felt as if he was bathing in the sweet nectar of the gods. Squidward went to her legs and sucked up all of her juices that dripped down. Squidward inched ever closer to her vagina, teasing her.

It drove her insane.

Squidward tasted her clitoris. It was as sweet as jellyfish jelly; a true delicacy. Squidward shoved his tentacle (like, his actual tentacle- not his dick) into her and began fingering her. Or, uh, tentacling her?

Either way, he massaged her g-spot and provided clitoral stimulation at the same time. Squidward glanced at her to see if she was enjoying it and it was pretty obvious she was. Her stomach was moving as if she was glugging down 5 gallons of water and her persistent moans could reach the heavens themselves.

But then Squidward remembered.

He remembered her biting his dick and having him genuinely fear for his life. He looked at her clit yet again. With the remainder of his rage, Squidward used it to bite the ever living hell out of Mrs. Puff's clit. She screamed in pain, "W-what the hell are you thinking?!" Squidward hated the hypocrisy. Squidward bitch slapped the fuck out of Mrs. Puff.

"Shut up bitch."

She looked at him, in awe of his raw chad power. Squidward loomed over her like Manta Ray towered over Mermaid Man.

"You want me to take you? Then so be it."

Squidward grabbed her by the throat and threw her farther onto the bed. Squidward unsheathed his 14.8 inch Excalibur in all its glory. Squidward took his schlong and shoved it as far into her fat pussy as he could. He could feel all the uncharted territory of her vagina and it was magnificent. But to Mrs. Puff it was painful, she wasn't used to a dick that big. She yelled out in pain "W-wait, please! Take it slower!" She begged for him to slow down so he did. But he still hated the hypocrisy. He began to squeeze the shit out of her throat. But Squidward wasn't new to this and applied the proper technique as not to kill her, but to enhance the euphoria that choking can help obtain.

As he choked her, he continuously bitch slapped her for 2 hours. Her face wasn't close to swelling, however. She had the build of a tank.

At this point, Squidward had fucked her in all sorts of positions, covering her entire body with sucker marks, and red spots where his palm had landed. In the last 2 hours of Squidward fucking her, Mrs. Puff had came a total of 9 times. If her pussy juices truly were the waters of youth themselves, Squidward would surely be a fetus by now.

Even though they were under the sea, Squidward was drowning in it. However, during this entire time Squidward hadn't busted a single nut. Was it because of the contempt he held for this bitch? Possibly. His mind began to wander as he was fucking Mrs. Puff's pussy raw. He thought of Spongebob and Sandy and hoped that their relationship was healthier than the one he had with Mrs. Puff. Then, he thought of Jessica, Mrs. Puff's cousin. He was reminded of her curvy figure and he could feel he was about to cum from just the thought. Then, he remembered his first time with Mrs. Puff. _Dear Neptune, the joy from that moment is incomparable to anything I've ever done_.

Then he thought of Mrs. Puffs cute voice. He remembered it could calm any raging storm. The way she was confident and took charge of everything in her life. It was what Squidward wanted in a woman. Squidward could feel he was about to nut, and soon. "Mrs. Puff, I-I'm going to cum on you now. I'll let you choose where, but please, make it quick!" Mrs. Puff looked towards him with pure love in her eyes. Then leaned in towards each other and shared the softest kiss they ever had. So much love was poured into that kiss. It almost brought a tear to his eye.

"Please Squiddy, spill your seed inside me," she pleaded. The words alone were enough to make any man goo. Without another second passing by, Squidward released all his pent up hatred and worry into this magnificent nut. He nutted so hard that it pushed him back and out of her glorious cunt. This confirmed that if you nut in the ocean, it push you back.

Even though he was forced out of her twitching twat, he continued to projectile nut and she was covered entirely in his thick ropey streams. Just as his nut was winding down, day broke. The light of dawn hit Mrs. Puff in such a way that it compelled Squidward to say something he has never told anyone.

"Mrs. Puff…. I love you."

Squidward laid it all out on the table. Now, it was up to Mrs. Puff where this would go.

She approached Squidward, still covered in semen from head to toe, and kissed him. Squidward hadn't ever tasted himself like this, but all of their juices mixing together was exquisite. She looked at him lovingly and said "I know."


End file.
